


regrets

by sleepyscribbles



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: F/M, allura trying to at least save lotor, lotor locked in rift jail until he learns his lesson, mild cursing on my part in the notes bc i have a filthy mouth, no i am not okay i'm still upset about lotura, s6 of voltron? idk her, this is a fix it fic because the writers failed me, this is how it should have gone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-26
Updated: 2018-06-26
Packaged: 2019-05-28 19:00:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15055664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepyscribbles/pseuds/sleepyscribbles
Summary: there is a never-ending winter in his heart, and without her, the chill grows stronger until it swallows him whole





	regrets

Her accusation cuts deeper than any blade ever could, leaving a fracture on the very foundation of his being that he knows will never heal without her love. He sucks in a deep breath as if he’s been punched in the gut, his entire world shattering in the blink of an eye before him as Allura’s words ring loud and clear with conviction through the communicators.

_“You’re more like Zarkon than I could have ever imagined.”_

He finally snaps like a rubber band stretched far past its limits, his mind completely coming undone at the seething, raw anger echoing in Allura’s voice.

Who was she to judge him? He who had sought out the scattered Alteans and offered them sanctuary and the prospect of true happiness? Meanwhile it was she who had vanished for many millennia while her- _**their**_ \- people suffered in exile until he had pulled them from the shadows and saved them? His eyes narrow and he clenches the controls tightly, ragged breaths escaping him as he tries to rein in his emotions, to no avail.

How _**dare** _ she compare him to that _**monster**_ , that destroyer of beauty and life? Lotor had only done what was necessary to achieve true peace for all creatures in the galaxy. Each sacrifice he had ever made was never forgotten nor taken for granted; he made sure to remember and honor those who had given their lives to the noble cause in the pursuit of galactic peace. He had loved their people, shared in their pain, agonized over this decision for millennia after millennia, researching in hopes for an alternative solution that would not require any harm to his- _**their**_ \- people. But despite all those late nights of flipping through book after book, his eyes scanning page after page desperately for any other alternative, the answer always came back to this choice- he trembles in his seat as his eyes clench shut. This was the only solution he had to achieve his dream of peace. Zarkon- Lotor snarls at that name- never would have done something like that for the end goal of peace; Zarkon destroyed and conquered to instill fear, wreck havoc and establish his dominance over others. Zarkon cared only for himself and for his empire, not for the lives of the universe. He was a monster through and through, only half the semblance of the great influential emperor he used to be.

How _**dare** _ Allura- of all people- compare him to the man he loathed the most?

Memories of trauma so raw and fresh and unbearably painful stir within him, and he grits his teeth to stop himself from screaming in rage. Allura knew nothing, she was weak and knew nothing of the sacrifices he had to make- the sacrifices she and her father Alfor had refused to make- to preserve their dying culture from Zarkon’s wrath. Without his intervention, the Alteans would have perished long ago, an entire civilization and culture lost at the hands of a tyrant. And the experimentations- his stomach lurches as he thinks back to those test pods and the eerie atmosphere of the labs- _**Stars**_ , he didn’t know just how lethal and strenuous on the bodies the experimentations were. Had he know, maybe things would have been different, a different path to choose.

He doubles over, eyes clenched as the hate and fear and overwhelming loneliness builds within him. Stars, he had done what he thought best to assure the Altean test subjects’ safety, only siphoning a little quintessence from the Altean people at a time, but the calculations, the calculations were wrong; he never expected the strain would be too much on their bodies, and before he knew what had happened many of them slipped into a peaceful slumber and never woke up. He never meant for them to die; he was only trying to do what he thought best for the majority. He only wanted to bring Altea back to its former glory; he wanted to bring back the culture he had grown to admire and exalt. He wanted to prove his worthiness to be a part of something beautiful.

_He just wanted to prove that he was more Altean than Galra.  
_

His heart becomes a tomb, a crypt, a black hole concaving within itself and threatening to swallow him whole, all because of a single sentence from the one he had opened his heart to, bared his soul to, the one he truly loved, a vision of beauty, intelligence and strength, his equal in every way;

Allura.

_“You’re more like Zarkon than I could have ever imagined."  
_

A chilling smile dawns on his face; If she wishes him to be more like that wretched Zarkon, then it will be so.

He snaps, and that’s when his memories start to get hazy.

One moment, he is slicing through the air, delirious rage consuming the clarity that once settled over his mind. He is focused on proving that she is wrong, not him. He was only trying to protect Altea, no matter the price that needed to be paid. He yells, snarls, lets his most basic feral instincts drive him as his Sincline weaves and rolls through the air, gracefully avoiding Voltron’s attacks. Voltron is his prey, his enemy, and all his enemies must be brought to their knees before him and the Altea empire, including the Galra.

Suddenly, he is alone, his generals abandoning him when he needs them most. He would almost mourn if he wasn’t so consumed with ire; of course his general- ex generals- would betray him, foolish creatures who only cared to save their own skin. He couldn’t say he was too surprised, after all, but that didn’t stop the twinge of hurt from settling deep in his chest.

Just like Allura, everybody he thought he could open up to- trust, allow himself to be emotionally vulnerable with- eventually they would all abandon him in the end.

 _A fool to trust others._ That’s what he was, he chokes on the acrid venom of betrayal that sits on the top of his tongue as he forcefully ejects the traitors from their ships, Axca’s pleas falling on deaf ears. He’s too far gone, too swept up by his desire to crush his enemies, bring the legendary Voltron- _bring Allura, the smallest of voices echoes in the back of his mind_ \- to their knees before him. He wants them begging for mercy, begging and pleading for their lives. He wants them- the Paladins, Romelle - to admit that he was right, that he wasn’t the one dimensional monster they painted him out to be.

He’ll prove that his Altean Defender is greater, better, than the Legendary Voltron Defender, that it will be him- Lotor, the outcast prince of a broken empire- who ushers in a new era of peace and prosperity to the universe.

He thrusts forward, cutting through the air with dangerous speed and agility, his weapon drawn. He will prove that he is the true defender of the galaxy, the true hero this universe has been waiting for all along.

The two mechas lock together in an intricate dance of death, spinning and twirling around each other in the quintessence rift field, searching for a moment of weakness to present itself so that this dance can come to its climax.

He pushes forward, victory so close within his grasps, before it all crumbles and falls apart in front of his eyes. He feels the dark energy consuming him, consuming the ship, breaking the delicate armor of stability and poise and unrelenting resolve he had spent many decades-phoebs crafting and perfecting to shield himself from the abuse and manipulation of his parents.

He shudders, the horrors of his past bearing heavily on his shoulders, and he finally fractures.

He lifts his head, his eyes glassy and his vision cloudy, and he sees the Blue lion floating towards him, bathed in the ethereal white glow of quintessence. He smiles, a ghastly smile that holds only regret; Princess Allura has come to face him, and she will either be his Angel of Mercy meant to deliver his salvation or his Angel of Death to cast judgment on his past transgressions and deliver the punishment he deserves.

_In that moment Lotor know it to be true- she has become his judge and, if she willed it to be, his executioner._

“Allura,” he calls, his hands outstretched towards the image of the Blue Lion floating towards him. His voice trembles as he gazes at her, an angel in the rift, and he calls out her name once more, a plea for mercy in the tone of his voice.

In this quintessence field, he forgets the other Paladins hovering nearby; here in this realm that they had explored together not too long ago, he calls out to Allura, begging for the warmth of her forgiveness and love to thaw the never-ending winter raging in his heart.

The Blue Lion reaches out to him, and he can feel her desperation, feel her crying out to him, pleading with him to return to her. He reaches out, ready to accept the mercy she so willingly offers to him-

And his heart completely freezes over as the other lions begin to circle the Blue Lion and shove at it, pushing his princess farther and farther from his grasps. He can almost feel her anguish, a silent cry echoing in the rift. He can feel her burning rage, her desperation increasing as she struggles against her Paladins. She is ready to sacrifice herself to the rift to save him, and he drops his hand as a single thought flits through his mind:

_He would rather die alone than let her be consumed by this maddening energy.  
_

He lets his thoughts drift, his eyes never leaving the fierce Blue Lion as it releases an anguish cry in the air. He thinks about how their love is like a dying star, burning intensely and brightly, a violent spectacle of true wonder, before blinking out of existence in the most beautifully tragic way. He cackles, throwing back his head and allowing fresh tears to trickle down his face. The end is near for him, the quintessence will swallow him whole. And he knows, even if he escapes this blinding realm of energy, he will not come out of this the man he once was. The rift will demand a toll, and he knows that it will cost him heavily.

He can only watch as the Blue Lion continues to struggle, continues to put up a fight. He loves her for that, for her tenacity and strength, for her refusal to give up on life. He loves how she is enchanting, entrancing, magnetizing, she who opened his heart; She is heat and light, and he is so very cold like the abyss of space itself, searching only to bask in the glow of her warmth to feel alive once again.

The Paladins finally overpower the Blue Lion, and he watches as the one person he ever loved blinks out of sight, leaving him alone to drift in this endless field with only his frazzled thoughts to keep him company. His mind twists, bends to the corrupted quintessence energy, and he covers his head and shivers, feeling the shadows slowly creeping up on him.

“Allura, how I wish our tale could have ended different. How I would have plucked the stars from their places in the sky and presented them as a declaration of my love for you,” he rasps, the sound of the alarms fading into the background until they were nothing but white noise in his ears. “My darling Allura, how I would have given you the universe at your fingertips to keep you by my side forever, if only Fate would have allowed it to be the ending to our love.”

As the quintessence consumes him whole, searing away the last threads of his sanity and drenching his soul in darkness, he can’t help but smile as he places his hand above his chest and feels an inescapable chill settle deep within him;

_There are slivers of ices growing where his heart laid._

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, I'm still emo over season six of Voltron, so you can all this my "Fuck You" Fic because I'm in deep denial until season 7. Thanks!


End file.
